happier

Often, after nights of pretty bad depression, I have days that are happy and light and full of possibility. Especially when I spend the night writing about the depression. It's a form of exorcism. Then the next day is made of clean air and easy sunlight.

Right now I am sitting in the dining room at my friend Nikki's house. I'm living here this week (from Saturday to Wednesday) with Nikki and her brother (whom no one really sees because he hides out in the basement) because her parents are in Maine. I've done this a few times before and it's incredibly fun. Nikki is still at school and the elusive brother is (guess what!) camping out in the basement, so right now I basically have the house to myself.

I just called my mom and the package of clothes I ordered should be arriving at my house today. It includes my new combat boots and a (faux) leather jacket. Woo!

This morning I spent LOTR class in a state of partial dismay, staring at his back, wishing that a miraculous inspiration would cause him to turn around and ask me out for coffee out of nowhere. But it didn't happen. I was sad. Then I went to the library and drank a big cup of coffee and read a good book and felt better, went to French class, then walked to my car, the long walk in the winter's-end sunlight gently glinting off the snow.

And now I feel quite all right for no definite reason - perhaps it's the universe being gentle with me today, or me being gentle with the universe. Whatever it is, I'm thankful for it.