I've been thinking about him again. But not in a depressed way, more of an introspective way. Last night I started to get regretful about it again, standing at the top of the stairway, but then suddenly I had this moment where I realized that he is actually not good enough for me - you know, not just theoretically, but really and truly.
To me, bored and sometimes sad and thinking my life is dull, he seemed like he had everything. Forget paradise, he had that big grey frat house with the huge lawn and the trees in bloom. He could drink the nights away and spend his days sleeping on the beach. He had a rented house, five more years than me of being in the world, memories of Europe (well, blurred memories I bet, because of all the alcohol involved!). His life seemed charmed & carefree and I was jealous and wanted a way in.
Well, what he has isn't so great. It's nothing compared to what I want. So there you go. And I'm glad that I've actually realized this, felt it instead of just having to talk myself into believing that I deserve and will get much better than him and the life he has.
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