don't know

Goal: Go on school England trip in 2009?
Need: At least $5000, probably more.

Uhh, shit. I don't see how. I have at least half of that now but it would empty out all my savings, checking account, everything... And there will probably be no parental assistance because 1) they don't actually have any money, 2) paradoxically, since I have almost a full scholarship they HATE paying for anything extra.

And, that's the summer before senior year, the year I'm planning to rent a house with my best friends, and THAT will cost a lot so I'll need to save for that. So spending all my money on England would not be wise... In addition to having to take the whole month of July off of work to go...

I'm not so good at working for things, honestly. It's lame but it's the truth. I don't have very much work ethic. I save a fair amount of money, but I also go off and buy Dior sunglasses (hey, they were from ebay & 1/4 the retail price! but it's Dior, so that's still a lot -_-) and 10,000 pairs of shoes and, er, a lot of coffee.

I've been freaking out lately about how I'm a junior in college and haven't done anything. This morning I was talking to my mom about how I didn't go to Wheaton. It was my first choice school and I got an acceptance letter and a half-tuition scholarship. But I turned it down so my parents wouldn't have to spend $20,000 a year and I wouldn't have to take out loans. If I had gone I would've had this research stipend whatsit that you're supposed to use to do some kind of project before junior year. I'd be doing that now... what would it be? Would I feel like I'm doing something, instead of how I feel now which is more like, I'm so, so bored all the time?

I thought about getting a new job or a second job this summer. But there's a problem which is: I need a LOT of time off in the next few months. My best friend's high school graduation, a week-long trip to Canada, a week-long trip to North Carolina to see my cousin who just had a baby, the three-day-long URI Summer Writing Conference... My current job is really good about time off because I've been there so long and my boss knows I'm not just blowing it off or anything. So it seems like I can't get a new job and say, "Hey, by the way, I kind of need half the summer off. Cool?"

In high school, I was on that track where you're supposed to go away for college, do fabulous things, come back and dazzle everyone with your achievements. And that is true of people I know who did go to those high-end schools. They're impressive. I'm still jealous and that sucks! My mom said to me, "You're not even 20, you have plenty of time to do awesome things." Which is true but I still feel like there is this huge part of my life that's missing, because I just don't know what to do to make things exciting!