private

I spend a lot of time only in my own head. I don't trust anyone I don't know. I don't trust many people... My family, my best friends whom I've known for fifteen years, select good friends from high school - that's basically it. Well, if someone new comes with an extremely good recommendation from one of my friends, then I'll trust them. And also, rarely, when someone new surprises me by being amazing. This may be just a friend of a friend, someone whom I almost immediately know is a great person whom I would like to be friends with.

I'm kind of shocked whenever someone I don't know shows interest in me. Me, the standoffish, suspicious ice-queen type? Do they know what they could be getting into?

I usually view people I don't know as a different species. Or, rather, they are regular humans and I am a different species, and so we won't understand each other.

Mostly I live inside a private world. Like a house. When someone suddenly shows up and knocks on the door, I am afraid that they will disrupt everything: spill beer on the nice carpets, borrow a favorite book and lose it, break precious heirlooms, snoop into the most secret corners.

In my imaginings I am an adventurer, a brightcolored free spirit who travels the world and tells enchanting stories. In daily life, I'm an introverted girl who longs for something new and exciting to happen to her, but still worries that new things will irreversibly damage the old. And I value the old things like treasures.

I know that getting to know me is difficult. Impossible for some. Because I don't freely share that much. I may choose to share an image, a shade, a facet. I suppose we all think we are ridiculously complicated and that no one understands us... but that's not really what I mean.

Just that I don't easily let anyone in to my world. You have to pass a sort of subconscious test. Most of my friends passed it without thinking in golden childhood. Others passed it in a similarly easy way in high school. But now I hold back more. You can't burst into my world and think that I will easily be swept outside of it. You have to show me that it will be worth it... then I might allow myself to be surprised.

But you never know.