Today I was caught quite unexpectedly by joy. It was somehow like the feeling of stumbling home after a big event, like a dance, so happily tired in wobbly heels and smudged make-up. Like having someone to thrillingly think about while replaying a life-changing day. And it happened even though I don't have someone like that, and even though all I did today was go to school and work and come home and read. But nevertheless, all of a sudden I felt alive again, instead of shriveled and shivering.
All wrapped up in the feeling was the belief that I will have wonderfully life-changing days again, that there will be magic and there will be joy. The moment was like a surprise gift - the kind you get when it's six months till your birthday and longer still till Christmas and the days all smudge into each other, but one morning you wake up to dream-light turning into sunlight, and a package in the mail. And unexpectedly you stumble into a space where the world is once again new.
I think that I am stumbling off of the battlefield. I am finally leaving the abandoned theatre, the nightmare cartography, the weary-eyed winter. Hello.
No comments:
Post a Comment